Felling Successful (Internal vs External Parameters and Validations)

#Core-Value

Feeling Successful: Navigating the Internal vs. External Landscape

The feeling of success is a complex and deeply personal experience, often influenced by a constant interplay between internal and external parameters and validations. While society frequently emphasizes external markers like wealth, status, and recognition, true and lasting feelings of success stem from a deeper alignment with our internal values, aspirations, and sense of purpose.1 Navigating this landscape requires understanding the limitations of external validation and cultivating a strong sense of internal self-worth.

External parameters of success are readily visible and easily quantifiable. They include things like job titles, salary, material possessions, and public accolades. These markers provide a tangible measure of achievement, offering a sense of validation from the outside world.2 The pursuit of these external symbols of success is often driven by a desire for social acceptance, recognition, and a sense of belonging. While these external validations can provide a temporary boost to self-esteem, they are ultimately fleeting and dependent on the opinions of others.3

The problem with relying solely on external validation is that it places our sense of worth in the hands of others. It creates a dependence on external approval, leaving us vulnerable to criticism, comparison, and the ever-shifting standards of society. This can lead to a constant striving for more, a never-ending quest for external affirmation that ultimately leaves us feeling empty and unfulfilled. Furthermore, external parameters often promote a competitive mindset, where success is defined by comparing ourselves to others, leading to feelings of inadequacy and envy.

In contrast, internal parameters of success are rooted in our individual values, passions, and sense of purpose. They are less tangible and harder to measure, but they provide a far more solid foundation for lasting feelings of success. Internal validation comes from within, from knowing that we are living a life that is authentic, meaningful, and aligned with our core beliefs. It's about making progress towards personal goals that are deeply important to us, regardless of external recognition.

Cultivating internal validation requires a deep understanding of ourselves – our values, our strengths, and our passions. It involves introspection, self-reflection, and a willingness to challenge societal norms. It means defining success on our own terms, not according to the expectations of others. This process can be challenging, as it requires us to confront our own insecurities and fears. However, the rewards are immense. When we base our sense of success on internal parameters, we become less dependent on external approval and more resilient to criticism.

The feeling of internal success is characterized by a sense of deep satisfaction, purpose, and fulfillment. It's not about achieving a specific outcome, but about the process of growth, learning, and contribution. It's about knowing that we are living a life that is true to ourselves, making a positive impact on the world around us, and continuously striving to become the best version of ourselves. This feeling of internal success is not fleeting; it's a deep-seated sense of self-worth that remains even in the face of setbacks and challenges.

While external validation can play a role in our overall sense of well-being, it should not be the primary source of our feelings of success. True and lasting feelings of success come from within, from cultivating a strong sense of internal validation. By focusing on internal parameters, aligning our actions with our values, and finding purpose and meaning in our lives, we can create a more solid and sustainable foundation for feeling successful, regardless of the ever-changing tides of external opinion. It's about finding our own internal compass and navigating the world with authenticity, courage, and self-compassion.

Cultivating genuine feelings of success, based on internal validation, is a journey, not a destination. It requires consistent effort and self-reflection. Here's a step-by-step guide:

Phase 1: Self-Discovery (The Foundation)

Values Clarification:

Passion Exploration:

Strengths Assessment:

Needs Identification:

Visioning:

Phase 2: Goal Setting & Planning (The Roadmap - Internal Focus)

Value-Aligned Goals:

Process-Oriented Goals:

Break It Down & Prioritize:

Create a Plan (Internal Validation Focus):

Phase 3: Action & Adaptation (The Journey - Internal Compass)

Start Small, Be Consistent:

Embrace Imperfection & Practice Self-Compassion:

Focus on Internal Feedback:

Regularly Evaluate (Internal Focus):

Celebrate Milestones (Internal Validation):

Key Considerations for Cultivating Internal Validation:

By actively engaging in these steps, you'll shift your focus from seeking external validation to cultivating internal validation. This is how you create a life that feels genuinely successful and fulfilling, regardless of external circumstances or the opinions of others. It's about living a life that is true to you

Zara’s life was a performance. She played the role of “successful woman” flawlessly. Her lines were polished – the perfectly curated Instagram feed, the confident pronouncements in board meetings, the effortless elegance of her designer clothes. The audience – her colleagues, her social circle, even her family – applauded her performance. They saw success. They saw Zara.

But backstage, in the quiet solitude of her apartment, Zara felt like an understudy who had somehow taken over the lead role. The script felt foreign, the applause hollow. Her heart, a small, quiet theater, was playing a different show altogether, a story of unfulfilled dreams and a yearning for something more authentic.

Her success was a gilded cage. The bars were made of external validations – promotions, raises, compliments. They shimmered and shone, attracting the envy of others. But inside, Zara felt trapped, suffocated by the weight of expectations. Her true self, the artist who longed to paint with vibrant colors, the writer who yearned to tell stories, was relegated to the shadows, a forgotten understudy waiting for a chance to take the stage.

One day, a power outage plunged her apartment into darkness. The stage lights of her performance flickered and died, leaving Zara in the stark reality of her own company. In the darkness, she could finally hear the whispers of her heart, the faint echoes of her forgotten dreams.

She remembered a small, hand-painted bird she’d made as a child. It was imperfect, its colors smudged, but it was hers. It represented a time when her creativity flowed freely, unburdened by the need for external approval.

Zara realized her success had become a performance for an audience of others, not a reflection of her own inner landscape. She’d been chasing external validation, seeking her worth in the eyes of others, neglecting the most important audience of all – herself.

She began to dismantle the gilded cage, bar by bar. It was a slow, sometimes painful process. She shed the borrowed costumes, the heavy makeup of expectations. She started to listen to the whispers of her heart, the long-forgotten melodies of her soul.

She picked up a paintbrush again, tentatively at first, then with increasing confidence. She started writing in a journal, pouring out her thoughts and feelings, unfiltered and raw. She joined a pottery class, the feel of clay between her fingers connecting her to something real and tangible.

The world saw a change in Zara. She was no longer the flawlessly polished executive, but a woman with a quiet strength, a gentle spirit. Some saw it as a loss of ambition, a step down from the pedestal of success. But Zara knew she was finally on the path to true success – a success defined not by external applause, but by the quiet harmony of her inner world.

Her life became a canvas, painted with the vibrant colors of her passions. It wasn't a masterpiece admired by the masses, but it was her creation, a reflection of her authentic self. Her success wasn't measured by promotions or paychecks, but by the joy in her heart, the sparkle in her eyes, the feeling of being truly alive. She had finally taken center stage in her own life, playing the role she was born to play, not for an audience of others, but for the most important critic of all – herself. And the applause, though quieter, was the sweetest she’d ever heard.